The Crazy Hat Box

So, about 3 years ago my husband hurt his knee. Many years ago I had taken a couple of massage classes so I worked on his knee. He said it felt better, but it was still hurting. He has a high threshold for pain so I knew that him saying that meant it hurt bad and he probably wouldn’t sleep. So I had him take some over-the-counter pain meds and started looking for the heating pad. I found it and we tried it. But because the injury was on the side of his knee, it was difficult to get the heating pad to stay put. In comes my brilliant idea! By brilliant, I mean, well, you’ll see.  I remembered that we had some hand warmers in the bathroom cabinet. I go grab one, and an ACE bandage wrap. I open it up to activate it, hold it on his knee and wrap it up with the bandage. Feeling pretty proud of my brilliance, I got ready for bed while he settled in. A few minutes later, he wakes up and says, “something’s not right”. I go over, take the bandage off, and remove the hand warmer. His skin was bright red and there were blisters forming. Needless to say, I felt terrible! So he ended up having an injured knee and needing burn cream for the skin. I definitely deserved The Dunce Cap on that one.  So, by brilliant, I mean not brilliant.

On a side note, my husband said I should have titled this “HAND Warmers, or Put Your Glasses on First”.  He always has to be funny.

I have terribly dry skin.  In the winter, in the Midwest, it’s something I have to stay on top of or pay the price.  So, I went to one of those places with all kinds of smell-good bath supplies.  I bought a lovely smelling set of lotion and body wash.  I confess that I have learned through the years that any lotion that has fragrance in it isn’t the best choice for my dry skin, but that’s beside the point.  I was excited to use it.  The next morning after I got in the shower I realized I had forgotten to put my body wash in the shower, but it wasn’t worth it, so I just used the regular stuff and decided I would just have to use it the next day.  I got out of the shower, dried off, and applied the lotion.  It smelled really good.  It made me happy.  So, from the neck down, I hydrated my skin.  I put the body wash in the shower so I didn’t forget again, finished getting ready, and I was on my way to work.  Once I arrived, I noticed that my legs were starting to itch a little.  I chalked it up to dry skin and tried to ignore it.  As time went on, the itching got worse and spread.  I excused myself to the ladies room and pulled up a pant leg.  My skin was bright red.  Bumps were everywhere.  Great.  What was going on?  I made it through the day.  When I got home I went to the bathroom to assess the damage.  I went to grab the lotion and look at the ingredients (I’m not really sure why I did this, because I wouldn’t have known what I was allergic to).  As soon as I grabbed the bottle I realized the problem.  I had put body wash on me instead of body lotion.  Yep, just rubbed it all over.  I jumped in the shower to wash it off, but it was too late (it suds up really nicely though).  The damage was done.  A visit to the dermatologist and a lot of oatmeal baths later, I had learned my lesson.  Put you glasses on first Kendel.

“Lotion”

I’m terrified of spiders.  Not just, I don’t like them, they creep me out. T-E-R-R-I-F-I-E-D.  That is how the following paragraph came about.

I’m not just terrified, I’m paranoid.  Every single morning, before my shower, I check the bathroom for spiders.  I look up along the walls and across the ceiling.  Then it’s a check on the floor, then on to the sink.  I’ve gotten lulled into a sense of security and slacked on this before, but I will not fall for that again.  Whenever I decide that I don’t need to check anymore, they know it.  And they show up.  One morning I was doing my usual spider check.  I finished up, feeling satisfied that those little creepy creatures had stayed away.  So, I pull back the shower curtain to start the water.  THERE. IT. WAS.  Now, I’m not going to exaggerate and say that it was the biggest spider I’d ever seen.  Although, it might as well have been, considering the fear in my heart.  I would have been paralyzed if my ‘fight or flight’ instinct hadn’t kicked in.  I did freeze for a moment though.  Then IT MOVED!  That was it.  Forget fight.  It was flight.  And scream.  Yes, that’s right.  Flight and scream.  I went running to the bedroom.  My poor husband was ripped from a sound sleep by me screaming through the house.  Spider, spider, SPIDER!!  We have a strict rule in our house that he is the spider slayer.  So, he sat up in bed, put his feet on the cold floor and headed for the bathroom.  I might add that he was entirely too calm.  “Poor man.  He doesn’t understand the gravity of this situation”, I thought to myself.  As I was walking behind him several steps he reached the bathroom door.  “Where is it?” he asked, with his very first words of the day voice.  “In the tub” I said, feeling another rush of adrenaline.  He walked in and I heard him pull the shower curtain back.  I peeked around the corner and he looked up at me, with the “spider” in his hand and said, “New rule.  If you want me to kill spiders, you have to put your glasses on first.”  I grabbed my glasses and put them on my face.  Yep, it was lent.  I took my shower and he went back to bed.

Spider!